we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
