im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
