just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
