I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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