I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize