Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
