Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
