ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
