So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
