its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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