We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
