Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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