I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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