I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
