you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
