Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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