In the future we'll all be gay
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
