careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
