i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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