Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
