i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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