at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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