i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
