Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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