Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
