So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
