Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
