The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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