i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
