I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
