You can't special order awesome
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
