I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
