Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
