Cold hands, warm shart.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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