I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
