Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
