Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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