best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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