The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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