I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
