I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
