so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
