omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
