If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Text me some of your sweat
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