If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
