she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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