Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
