Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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