I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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