new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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