Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
