when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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