too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
