is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
