oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
time to smoke my breakfast
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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