I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
