I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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