bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
