Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize