White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
