That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
