You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
