So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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