Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
