Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am available for nakedness
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
