I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
