I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
