I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
