So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
